Romance, love, and passion are often equated with fire. They make a relationship sizzle. But like any fire, if you don’t keep the embers burning, the fire smolders and eventually dies out. So how do you keep the midnight oil burning in your marriage?

Use a starter. The starter is what gets the fire going in the first place. Do you remember when you first fell in love? What was it about your spouse that drew you to him or her? Did he mesmerize you with his flashy, white smile or witty ways? Did she have a mysterious air about her? Was it his hands clasping around yours that made you feel safe? Did she have a quirky laugh? Before I knew him, I use to admire my husband from afar. He was the bus captain of a bus route at our church, bringing underprivileged kids who couldn’t otherwise go. He had a special way with them, making them smile. They weren’t just coming to church. They were also coming to see him, to feel special in his presence. What about you? Take time now to reflect on all the unique qualities about your spouse that made you fall in love.

Toss in some kindle. Whether twigs or newspaper, the kindle is what makes the fire grow. Want to grow romance, love, and passion in your marriage? Then use kindle. Kindle can be anything that’s fun, adventurous, or spontaneous. Forgo the ho-hum marriage and spice it up. Some ideas include

Take up a new activity or hobby together. Bird watching? Racquetball? Geocaching?
Dare to try something exciting and memorable, such as bungee jumping.
Forgo the old dinner and movie routine and do something out of the box. You could try dinner theater or a play instead.
Do something you use to love as a kid. When’s the last time you went searching for unique rocks along a beach?
Spice it up by throwing in a curveball. Create your own recipe together. Paint a canvas just the two of you, each throwing in your own imaginative elements.

Keep throwing on the logs. Logs are the big things that keep the fire going, such as respect, support, affection, encouragement, compromise, and a shared vision. What big things are missing in your relationship? It may be that you have to travel through the dark forest of forgiveness, humility, and trust in order to find those logs. But when you do search for those logs—those essentials of any marriage—and bring them home, your fire—your love, passion, and romance—will burn brighter and hotter, especially when darkness hovers. Because dark nights will come.

So, readers, what was your fire starter? What do you use for kindle? What’s been a missing log in your marriage? I’d love for you to share your ideas. Put your responses in the box below.